


I Still Believe

by totorofloof



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Historical Inaccuracy, Hurt No Comfort, I'm trying to make it accurate, If you've seen Miss Saigon you know how this ends, M/M, Miss Saigon AU, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Sexual Content, Suicide, Swearing, Tragic Romance, Vietnam War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-02-15 18:07:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13036569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totorofloof/pseuds/totorofloof
Summary: '“Tonight there is a draw. The Americans will vote for which of us is the best prize and someone will win them for the night. If you get chosen, you do everything you can to get them to take you home. You understand?” Minako’s voice was strict and quick to the point, but Yuuri appreciated the kindness. He nodded and gave her a small smile.He had no desire to leave Japan particularly, but there was nothing left for him here anymore. Maybe America could give him a life he had never known.'You don't need to know the show to read it just might make it hurt a bit more.





	1. Dreamland

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I've had this idea in my head and I just needed to get in out there. So here it is.  
> This isn't going to be happy, if you've ever seen Miss Saigon then you know how this is going to end. It's no going to stay exactly true to the original story but it will be very similar. Also I'm no expert on the historical aspects of the Vietnam war so I'm sorry if there are any glaring errors, I have tried to be as accurate as I can be.  
> If you've never heard of Miss Saigon then i recommend it highly, its an amazing musical with beautiful characters, incredible music and a tragic story that will hurt you so good. It's one of my favourites.  
> So anyways, here's the fic. I hope you enjoy.

_Early May 1972_

Okinawa island had been changed by the war. The landscapes were barren and wherever you went, there were signs of war. It was, essentially, a war base for the Americans.

The media was restricted, the people’s rights taken away. It was a dumping ground for soldiers and neither America nor mainland Japan would take responsibility of the suffering people.

It wasn’t all bad though. Generally the soldiers were nice, they protected their island and as much as they may have wanted their independence back, and they also didn’t want to see the nice young soldiers die when they had barely had enough time on this earth to experience life. It was rumoured that Japan was negotiating terms to reclaim the island so most people doubted they would stay much longer anyway.

It was a power struggle; a push and pull. One the Okinawans would lose.

For Yuuri, it was a struggle he had seen all too well. He had felt the pain war had brought on their island.

It was just an accident. A stupid, avoidable accident, but it had been enough to shake Yuuri’s world. On April 23rd 1972, an American aircraft had crash landed due to an engine overheating. The pilot had decided to risk not doing the regular checks before taking off. The helicopter had burst into flame after falling on Yuuri’s village. It set the houses a light and killed almost everyone within minutes.

Yuuri had been out getting his family’s daily newspaper and rations from the closest town. When he returned there was only ashes.

Everything… gone.

Yuuri couldn’t remember what happened after he found his village exactly. Just that he had stumbled into the fields to escape the black smoke. He had made a small camp to live in for what must have been only a few days but felt like forever to him. He didn’t eat and he hardly slept. He missed his family and his village, Mari and Yuuko, Minami and that little blonde toddler that ran around grumpily every morning.

He must have been half dead when the man found him. He introduced himself as The Engineer and said that he would offer Yuuri work and a place to stay.

The work was prostitution. It would mean bending over for men he didn’t know. Americans who would never stay the whole night. Men who just wanted a cheap fuck whilst they were away from their girls back home. They would only ever want him for the temporary pleasure his body could provide them; nothing more. Yuuri knew it. He knew it wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted so much more, he wanted a man who would love him and cherish him. He wanted a life and a chance.

Did he have a choice?

Once he'd agreed, The Engineer had taken him to the town and into the back of a bar. There were other people there but he was left alone in a small backroom with bottles of spirits and cocktail umbrellas. It was a tiny room, only enough space for the child sized bed and a small cabinet to keep his belongings in. Not that he had anything other than the clothes on his back and his glasses. This was to be where he’d sleep. The only way he’d get into a bigger, softer bed was with a client, so he kept his mouth shut and didn’t complain.

This was his life now and he was determined to survive in it.

 

* * *

 

“Girls, boys, come gather we have a new barboy who I’d like you to meet!”

The club quietened down from where various young men and women were dotted around the club setting up for tonight. The Americans would be leaving soon and so they needed to put on their best show to bring in as much money as possible. They all turned to look toward The Engineer who was stood on the balcony with a boy behind him.

“This is my new boy, Yuuri.” The Engineer pushed Yuuri out in front of him so that everyone could get a good look at him. “He’s a virgin from a nearby village, dress him, and make him beautiful, his life depends on it.”

With that brief introduction, the taller man retreated into an office room to the side of the balcony, leaving Yuuri alone. Cautiously he made his way down the stairs to the other bargirls and boys who had gone back to chatting as they worked.

Yuuri’s heart was thrumming in his ears, each step he felt more and more dread build up in his gut. All these people were desperate to get out of Okinawa while they still could. All around the bar he could hear groups talking about getting out of here. Hitching a ticket to America as a G.I.’s partner was the only way for them. To everyone here, he was just more competition.

He could feel himself sinking into the floor as he walked towards the main bar, he knew his whole face must be flushed from embarrassment and his glasses probably emphasised the nervous tears in his eyes.

“Hey, you can drop that virgin act,” one of the girls sniggered from the other end of the bar. He didn’t know what to say, he wasn’t acting at all. Yuuri looked down at his feet nervously.

Someone grabbed him by the arm as a boy called out mocking him alongside the girl. He was taken into a dressing room and a kimono passed to him.

“Change into this.” The person instructed. Yuuri gathered his courage to look up to find a woman with long brown hair in cameo hot pants and a bikini top looking back at him.

“I’m Minako. Let’s get you ready we don’t have long before we open.”

Yuuri didn’t reply just nodded as he put on the different layers of the kimono. When he was done, Minako sat him down and started doing his makeup, nothing too fancy, just enough to extenuate his innocent features.

“Tonight there is a draw. The Americans will vote for which of us is the best prize and someone will win them for the night. If you get chosen, you do everything you can to get them to take you home. You understand?” Minako’s voice was strict and quick to the point, but Yuuri appreciated the kindness. He nodded and gave her a small smile.

He had no desire to leave Japan particularly, but there was nothing left for him here anymore. Maybe America could give him a life he had never known.

There was a small quiet in the room as Minako added the final touches to Yuuri’s look. He was wearing a white kimono with a black lace wrap around his waist. The black ribbon also tied around his front snug against the waist was the only indication that Yuuri’s outfit could be suggestive. His eyes were gently lined with black, and his lips and cheeks were tinted pink. He kept his glasses as Minako said it made him look pure. When she was almost done she gave Yuuri a curious look.

“Are you really a virgin?” she asked with what could have been concern on her face.

Yuuri blushed and shifted in his seat. “Yes,” he answered quietly.

She nodded slowly. “You’ll be okay…”

Minako gave him a small pat on his shoulder before leaving the room and gesturing for Yuuri to follow her onto the bar. As they got closer, the volume started to increase steadily. Voices filled the room and the chaotic atmosphere had Yuuri’s heart pounding once again.

“Shit, they’re here! Girls hurry up, put your stockings on!”…“I better fucking get out of here tonight.”…“God, this could be our last chance…”

As Yuuri walked in the room, the noise quietened down as the Engineer stopped to take in his new boy.

“Oh, _Yuuri_ … Yes, we will give them a treat… a virgin… they can’t resist,” he said almost to himself as he looked Yuuri up and down.

There were shouts of annoyance from some of the other girls and boys but the Engineer snapped his attention back to the door of the bar where customers would be arriving any second.

“Minako, do your dance, everyone get ready, don’t make the show too long!”

The doors opened and the atmosphere of the bar changed dramatically. The chaos that had been overwhelming before had turned into a sultry heat that filled the air and the way everyone moved was like sex. Boys and girls leant against tables, a hip popped out or their asses stuck out invitingly. Minako had made her way on top of several tables that had been pushed together to form a stage. She sat in a chair, legs spread wide and eyes like fire. The bar was filled with music, slow and sensual melodies that set the mood perfectly.

Yuuri hid by the dressing room doorway as the first Americans walked in.

_“Welcome to Dreamland!”_


	2. The Movie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys here's chapter two I hope you enjoy it :)
> 
> Also I wanted to know if anyone particularly wanted smut included in this fic. I hadn't originally planned to write it in, I was going to kinda fade out befroe anything really happened but if you guys want it then I can put a chapter in, just let me know.
> 
> If I did end up writing it, it will probably be chapter four and it will be skippable for people who aren't interested.

Viktor didn’t know why he was here. It was just another one of Chris’ stupid ideas. His friend had been coming here for months and insisted a night out would be good for him. He’d come himself, but that was when he’d first arrived in Okinawa a few months ago. Since then his interest had died and he found himself walking through the doorway of the bar less and less.

The last time had been around three weeks ago. He couldn’t stand it. He’d screwed one of the girls and left straight after. No prostitute would ease the built up tension of this God awful war.

So here he was; walking into the club with Chris once again. He just wanted to leave but ‘The Engineer’ as Chris had referred to him earlier had approached the pair.

“Chris! My friend, you’re hear for the draw?” He asked cheerfully.

Viktor felt sick. This was the kind of man that gave him the creeps, the kind that seemed like he would do anything to end up on top. All these girls and young men were in his control. He could dictate if they lived or died if he wanted.

“Who knows? Most importantly I have a friend who needs to get laid,” Chris replied with a smirk, greens eyes glinting mischievously.

Viktor sighed, “Chris I don’t _want_ to get laid. This is bullshit.”

Chris looked at him for a moment. “C’mon,” Chris shouted above the music, “let me buy you someone for the night.”

“Chris, lay off, you can buy me a drink.” Viktor was quickly getting annoyed with his long-time friend. Wasting money on this kind of thing was going to get them nowhere in this joke of a war. They’d have to leave soon anyway. He just wanted to be at home instead of being in a sweaty bar that had too much noise and not enough air.

Chris turned back to The Engineer, “well put me down for the draw.”

Viktor rolled his eyes and turned away from them. God, this place reeked of sex. It’s not that he didn’t find the dancers attractive; the two girls, on stage, introducing themselves as they grinded thin air, wearing practically nothing did affect him. He just… he didn’t want whatever this was. It just felt wrong.

He used to love doing this kind of thing with Chris. They’d go out, smoke, get drunk and then find a beautiful young thing to have his way with for the night. It was fun.

But not now. Not anymore.

He turned back to the stage, where a woman called Minako was making her pitch. He recognised her from the last time he’d been here.

Viktor was getting just about ready to actually leave when something on stage caught his eye.

There was a boy stood on the stage, evidently up next to introduce himself, but he was different. For a start he was wearing more than lingerie. The white fabric draped gracefully across him contrasted enticingly with the black around his waist which shaped his body perfectly. He had gorgeous wide brown eyes hidden behind glasses that really shouldn’t have looked as good as they did on him. His hair was messy and his lips were a beautiful rosy pink.

“Next we have a virgin!” The Engineer called out, “an untouched boy from the villages!”

God, Viktor was disgusted at himself. He wanted him. Wanted to be his first, wanted to claim him and make him feel good. _You would take advantage of a young boy like that? Pathetic._

The boy was nudged into the centre of the stage to introduce himself. He blushed slightly before speaking out to the men around the room. “I’m Yuuri, I’m 19, I-I’m new today. I…”

He seemed to be nervous but he had Viktor’s full attention as he took a deep breath and looked up, head held high.

“Everyone else seems to know what to say, but I’m worth it! I’m better than I seem and I can learn. I _will_ learn how to do better!”

The noise around the room rose at the bold statement, some of the other dancers littered around the room tutting others seemingly inspired. Men around the bar were whistling appreciatively and commenting amongst themselves, but Viktor… Viktor was stuck to the spot.

He felt Chris come up next to him. He turned to look at him, eyes wide.

“Jesus, Chris… who _is_ he?”

Viktor let his eyes linger on the boy as he walked off the stage. He was mesmerising, beautiful, inspiring. The world seemed to stop when he focussed on Yuuri. _Yuuri_. Such a beautiful name too. He wished he could have a better life than this. So young. He was too innocent for this.

The Engineer walked back on stage, disrupting his thoughts. “And now the results of the draw! Out of all the beautiful boys and girls, Miss Okinawa goes to…” There was a pause and all Viktor could think was that he didn’t know how he’d react if Yuuri’s name was called.

“Minako!”

Viktor tried to hide the fact that he was relieved but he thought Chris must have noticed.

The men around the room started to become rowdy, all hoping that their number would be called out.

“And the Lucky soldier… number 66!” The Engineer cried out enthusiastically.

Chris cheered next to him as his number was called and he walked up to claim his prize. Viktor looked away, only glad that Yuuri hadn’t been auctioned like some animal.

It was cruel it really was. Everyone in here wanted to be back in America. The soldiers at least had a chance. The workers though… they had much more of a slim chance. It wasn’t unheard of that men from his station would marry here and take their new bride back to the states with them and that’s what all these dancers were after. A new life in the great USA. Viktor wasn’t stupid, he could see it in their eyes.

There was some kind of commotion from the balcony where Chris had headed with the girl. The room fell into a tense hush as everyone, including Viktor looked up to see the poor girl at gun point. The Engineer stood nervously to the side.

“Don’t fuck with me woman!” Chris was hissing out dangerously. He was rubbing his cheek where it was obvious he had just been slapped.

The Engineer made his presence known cautiously as he stepped between the two, encouraging Chris to lower his gun. “Hey, hey… she likes it rough is all, you know that.”

He looked around at the room that had become hushed. “C’mon, nothing to see here… go back to your dancers.”

Viktor managed to shake the tense moment off, moving to the bar to get a much needed drink. He ignored the suggestive looks that were thrown his way as the volume of the room rose and people went back to their business.

 _Goddamnit Chris_. It was just like him to make a scene at the end of this wretched, failing war.

He hoped Yuuri was okay.

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri ran after Minako when she had finished with the winning soldier. She didn’t deserve this. She was the first and only person who showed him kindness here. She deserved the new life in America she dreamed of. But life was never easy on the deserving.

But what had she got for trying to follow that dream? A gun shoved in her face and the humiliation of still being made to give that horrible man pleasure.

He followed her into a back room he assumed was where she stayed.

“Minako?” he called out tentatively. He didn’t want to startle her, especially after already receiving quite a scare already. All he heard in reply was sobbing as he inched closer.

Yuuri crouched next to her, trying his best to comfort her but he didn’t really know what he was doing.

“They don’t care…” came a small voice from the bundle in his arms.

Yuuri didn’t reply. He got the sense that Minako didn’t need advice from him but an ear to listen to her thoughts. Perhaps it was because he was new. Perhaps it was he was younger. He didn’t know but he wouldn’t deny this woman anything in this state so he sat with her and listened as she started to speak.

“They act like men but yet they are just boys messing around. They don’t care about me… about any of us. They just want sex and then they’ll leave. They always do. I know they always will… but…” she let out a shaking breath and tried to collect herself as she continued.

“Every time I hold one of them, every time they touch me, I can’t… I can’t stop imagining what it would be like if they cared. If only they would take me away from here. Hold me and love me. _Me!_ Not my body.” She wrapped her arms around herself and looked out of the small window that let in moonlight from the sky outside. “Maybe they would give me a new life. One where I didn’t have to dance and screw for money. Maybe I could dance in ways I want to… I could do ballet.”

Her expression looked blank and empty as she continued. “It’s like a movie projected on my eyelids. I can’t stop it playing on repeat. It’s so vivid and clear. But it’s so far away. I can’t…. I can’t reach it by wishing. My dream can’t come true and it hurts… _God_ it hurts.”

Minako was shaking as she stood and walked away from Yuuri, closing up again. She had finished talking. Yuuri stood as well and silently left the room, letting Minako be alone with her thoughts.

He walked back out into the bar. The engineer had seemed confident that he would be wanted this evening so he made sure he could be found even as he moved to a window seat in a back room where it was quieter.

He sat on the bed and closed his eyes breathing deeply.

Yuuri knew what was coming. Knew he was going to have his first time tonight and yes, of course he was scared. He didn’t know anyone here. His first time would be with a stranger and if all the soldiers were like ‘number 66’ then he would need to be strong.

He would not cry. He wouldn’t think about it too much. He would simply do his job; dance for the Americans and make them drink until one of them bought him. And when they did that, he would make love kindly. Yuuri was sure at least some of the men would be kind. If they weren’t… if they weren’t, he would just close his eyes and bare it.

He would think of what his life could be like, of Minako’s movie. What it would be like to love and be loved. Be with someone who could care for him and chase the dark nightmares away. An American who wouldn’t just kill innocents in the name of a stupid war but would fight for him instead.

Yuuri was a dreamer. He always had been; he wanted more than this. More than what his life had been for him so far. A life time of farming rice married to someone he didn’t love was no better than this new life. He _needed_ more than this and he would get there. He would matter to someone, someday. He was sure of it.

America.

Maybe America would be safe. Kind to people in ways that Okinawa had never seen.

Maybe one day, Yuuri could find the movie in his mind.


	3. Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this one took a little longer to write. I got pretty busy with Christmas and I also has the honour of seeing Hamilton London on Saturday.
> 
> Anyways, I hope everyone had a good Christmas and enjoy the chapter :)

“Chris, stop it!” Viktor snapped.

It had been barely an hour in the club and yet Chris had already gone behind his back to buy him a partner for the night. What would it take to get it into this idiot’s head that he wasn’t interested? Perhaps if it had been someone else; if it had been just one of the many other dancers. But no, Chris had bought him Yuuri.

“We need to stop this! We’ll be going home soon, don’t you see? It’s time to sober up.”

They were sat waiting for Yuuri to be called but all Viktor wanted to do was storm out of this vile bar. The only thing keeping him here was Chris’ firm grip on his arm and, though he hated to admit it, the thought of seeing Yuuri _just once more_.

To say he wasn’t tempted was a lie and he was disgusted at himself for it.

Chris pouted teasingly. He obviously wasn’t taking anything Viktor said seriously.

“Come on my friend, a whore is better than an empty bed! You’re just frustrated and you need to work off some steam.” Chris purred like a devil in his ear.

Viktor tensed. _A whore!?_ “Chris, this boy is a virgin! If I went through with this I could take something from him that I can’t give back and he wouldn’t have a say in it. It’s wrong! To take so much from a young boy and then up and leave?! No!”

Viktor angrily crossed his arms and turned away from his _‘friend’_.

“You think too much Viktor, let this boy clear your head for you,” Chris muttered with a slight chuckle. He took another swing from whatever _shit_ he was drinking now.

Then a small voice spoke up behind them and both men turned to look, “Monsieur Viktor?”

_Yuuri._

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri had been sat quietly for a while when The Engineer came in.

“I was right Yuuri, the men are asking after you!”

Yuuri swallowed down the dread that was rising in his throat. He looked out of the window at the full moon that lit the room with a cold lonely light. Thoughts whirled through Yuuri’s head as he struggled not to panic. What if they were cruel? What if they didn’t prepare him properly? What if they treated him like dirt? _What if… what if…_

“Yuuri!” The Engineer said again. He moved closer to him and grabbed his wrist, hissing lowly. Yuuri’s eyes were wide as he snapped his head round to look his boss in the face.

“Yuuri you said you wanted this job! You should be grateful!” he tightened his grip on Yuuri’s arm and shook him slightly. “Prove to me that you are.”

Eyes still wide, Yuuri nodded and then stood on shaky legs.

“Remember to play the innocent virgin! Call him Viktor he’ll like that.” The Engineer called out as Yuuri left the room. He laughed cruelly.

There were two men sat at the bottom of the stairs up to the room he’d been in. One of them was the man who had threatened Minako earlier.

Yuuri felt his body cease up. No… no, no he didn’t want this.

But he had no choice he had already chosen this.

Yuuri was breathing quickly as he neared the bottom and called out a soft, “Monsieur Viktor?”

The men who seemed to have been having a less than friendly conversation both looked around and Yuuri felt heat rise to his face as two pairs of eyes locked onto him.

The man that Yuuri didn’t recognise stood up. He had beautiful silver hair, like streaks of moonlight, which swept across half of his face gracefully. He was tall; perhaps a couple of inches more than Yuuri and his chest was broad. He wore the recognisable G.I. uniform. The dull green of his shirt made his pale completion stand out and the way the clothing was tight fitting and rolled up around his biceps showed off his muscular figure.

He was… very attractive. Everything about him was attractive to Yuuri. But his _eyes_ … God, this man’s eyes were stunning. Something about the vibrant, icy blue colour of them; the way they felt like they were piercing into him.

The beautiful man stood up. “Yes, that’s me,” he said and Yuuri couldn’t be sure…but he thought he saw regret in his eyes.

Yuuri felt his body lighten as a wave of relief washed the overwhelming anxiety away. Viktor was gorgeous. His eyes were kind too. Surely for his first time, this would be okay… Yuuri wanted this. He wanted Viktor. He needed to do a good first job or The Engineer would surely chuck him out on the street. That was okay now though; it was a problem far at the back of his mind. _He could do this._

It was as though a confidence over took him. It wasn’t like the other dancer’s personas, not thoroughly sexual and sultry; he was meant to play the innocent part after all, but he no longer felt so afraid of what was about to happen.

Yuuri reached Viktor and held out his hand, ready to lead him upstairs. Viktor hesitated.

“Don’t worry he’s clean! Fresh just for you!” The Engineer’s laugh came from behind Yuuri. He walked past them leading the other man, who had been sat with Viktor, back to the main stage where a chair had been placed on stage. Yuuri watched Viktor’s gaze follow his fellow soldier to where he sat on the chair and, with a grin, beckoned one of the dancers over to him.

Yuuri tentatively reached for Viktor’s hand. The man’s attention snapped back to him and Yuuri met his eyes for a moment before he lowered his focus once more.

“My name is Yuuri,” he said as he turned to take Viktor to the room upstairs, “I like you Viktor.” He tried to keep his voice calm and gentle.

Viktor, however, didn’t follow. He simply stayed on the same spot looking up at Yuuri with those ocean eyes.

“Don’t say such things…” Viktor whispered.

 _Huh?_ Had he said something to offend this man? Oh but his voice was like velvet, so caring and soft. Yuuri wondered if his embrace would be a warm. He wanted to be in his man’s arms.

“Did I do something wrong sir?” he asked cautiously.

“You shouldn’t even be here!” Viktor hissed in reply. He reached into his pocket, breaking Yuuri’s tentative hold, and pulled out a few dollar bills. “Here take this and get out of here!” he held the money out toward Yuuri.

Why was this man refusing him? Was Yuuri not good enough for him? Why would he still give him the money?

Yuuri’s brow crumpled and he looked at Viktor with an expression of hurt and confusion. Viktor kept a straight face but his eyes betrayed him. They looked wide and desperate, begging for Yuuri to take his offer.

“Do you not like him?” The Engineer was back. His voice sounded as fake as the smile that was plastered across his face.

“No, no, I like him,” Viktor said turning away from Yuuri, trying to put distance between them. Now Yuuri was really confused. His words were clearly contradicting his actions.

He quickly closed the gap between them, stepping into Viktor’s space and clutching onto his arm, “I like him too.”

The Engineer put and encouraging hand on Viktor’s shoulder, gently guiding him back up the stairs, “take him away, go on,” he insisted.

Yuuri pulled on Viktor’s arm too, walking up the steps slowly. “Come, just up here,” Yuuri said softly.

Viktor opened his mouth to speak but Yuuri pressed a finger to his lips. “Don’t say anything, just come with me”

Viktor followed obediently. The look of desperation was still there in his eyes. He looked… frightened? _Guilty?_ Yuuri decided it wasn’t his place to question as he backed into the private room with Viktor, shutting the door behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you want a smut chapter or not!


	4. Why, God?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR!! I hope everyone had a great Christmas! Sorry this chapter has taken a little longer than usual; I took a break for Christmas and then I had some college work but I should be back to (roughly) weekly chapters from now on.
> 
> Okay so please check the tags before reading, Yuuri does have a panic attack in this chapter and although I didn't write it in much detail it's still there so please take care of your selves and you can skip to where it changes to Viktor's perspective if you don't want to read it. Don't worry you won't miss any major plot points.
> 
> Also the first bit from Yuuri's perspective is slightly smutty. I didn't write out the whole scene, just the beginning before cutting out but if anyone particularly wants me to write the full scene I'll do a oneshot so let me know!

Viktor walked him backwards towards the bed; the gap between them getting smaller every second.

Yuuri felt his breath hitch as the backs of his knees hit the wooden frame. Viktor reached out and took his hand, pressing a chaste kiss into the palm before gently pushing Yuuri back down into the sheets.

This was nice. It was gentle and Yuuri found he wasn’t scared. Nervous yes, but not scared.

He watched with awe as Viktor unbuttoned his shirt and revealed the pale expanse of skin. So muscular and shaped. Yuuri wanted to touch. Would his chest be as firm as it looked?

Viktor locked eyes with him and slowly crawled over the top of him. Yuuri felt heat rush to his cheeks and then shoot down his spine. He slowly undid his Yukata, carefully stripping down the layers of fabric until he was bared to Viktor. Smooth tan skin spread out just for Viktor.

The man’s gaze seared lines into Yuuri’s skin where he looked him up and down. He writhed slightly, getting hotter and hotter the longer Viktor looked at him. He wanted this, _Gods, he wanted this!_

“Yuuri,” Viktor said softly leaning closer to Yuuri until he could feel Viktor’s breath on his lips. “You can tell me to stop whenever and I will stop, okay?”

Yuuri nodded, breathless and slightly shocked; he never thought he’d have a say in what the soldiers did with him. Still he found he didn’t want Viktor to stop. He wanted his lips on his own and he wanted to feel the weight of Viktor’s body on his. He may be a village virgin but he knew what sex was. He knew what it would be like and yes he had felt that burning desire before.

Yuuri took a breath before he leaned upwards and pressed a tentative kiss to Viktor’s lips.

When the pair broke away, Yuuri’s eyelids fluttered open slowly and his eyes focussed on Viktor’s face.

There was a pinkish tint to his pale cheeks. It made him look even more attractive in Yuuri’s opinion.

Viktor looked down at him. His lips were still parted slightly from the kiss.

Then it was like a switch had been flipped and Yuuri was being pressed down into the bed; Viktor, sucking on Yuuri’s tongue, moving their lips together like the dancers downstairs moved their bodies.

Yuuri let out a soft moan as his lungs started to ache for oxygen. The lack of air made him feel lightheaded and giddy. _Gods this felt good._

Viktor gently spread Yuuri’s legs and settled between them, hitching up one of his thighs. Yuuri wrapped his leg around Viktor’s back, pulling him closer, closer, _closer_ until…

 _Oh_.

Pressed tightly against Yuuri’s ass was Viktor’s hardness. Yuuri realised with a start that he couldn’t move away from Viktor and he couldn’t call out for him to stop either as his mouth was occupied. Suddenly he wasn’t so sure. He wanted to slow down and he needed to breathe.

_No, no… stop no, wait!_

His whole body became stiff and he must have pushed Viktor away slightly as he immediately pulled back like he’d been burnt. Yuuri sat up on his elbows panting and trying to calm himself. He wanted the world to open up and swallow him. He fucked up. He truly liked Viktor, but the soldier was probably insulted. He was probably going to slap him and shout about what a shit whore he was and then he would leave and The Engineer would find out, oh Gods. He would be back on the streets…

Yuuri felt a hand on his arm, pulling him back to the present. He lifted his gaze to look at Viktor.

The solider didn’t look angry. In fact he looked guilty. He looked into Yuuri’s eyes for a second, searching for… something, before he cleared his throat.

“I’m sorry Yuuri, I shouldn’t have-“

“No!” Yuuri interrupted. He didn’t have the slightest clue what to say, he only knew he didn’t want Viktor to leave.

Blue eyes locked with his own. Yuuri’s mouth formed shapes, struggling to actually let sound out.

“I- I don’t want to s-stop… I’m just- umm…” Yuuri trailed off and Viktor leant closer to him and cupped his cheek in his hand. The gesture was so gentle and sincere that it felt like Viktor thought he would break from the slightest touch.

“I’m sorry, I’ll go slower… there’s no need to be afraid, I will not hurt you and if you decide you don’t want this I will leave straight away and you can keep the money.”

Yuuri’s eyes were wide as he felt the tell-tale prick of tears. No. He wouldn’t cry. It didn’t matter that this man was showing him respect. He would be gone by morning anyway. It didn’t mean anything.

But… Gods it seemed almost like Viktor really cared. It touched Yuuri deeply that this stranger would consider his consent. Him, a prostitute, a man who would make his living off of letting soldiers take from him. He never thought he’d be given anything in return.

Viktor sat with him and rubbed small circles into his back until his breathing had gone back to normal and he was no longer panicking.

Yuuri blinked quickly and looked up at Viktor.

He wouldn’t back out now. He truly wanted this and Viktor was being so kind and patient and he was so _attractive_. No, he could do this.

Yuuri placed his hand on Viktor’s arm thankfully and said, “It’s okay… I- I trust you Viktor.”

He wrapped his arms around Viktor and pulled him back down on top of him.

Viktor gave him one more look of concern, scanning his face for any signs that he didn’t want this before leaning back down to reseal their lips.

This time when Viktor slotted their hips together, Yuuri let his head roll back with pleasure and let himself feel.

 

* * *

 

 

When Viktor woke up, moonlight was streaming past torn up curtains and casting lines of silver onto the bed. He sat up and looked beside him to Yuuri, sleeping peacefully.

He was so beautiful; so stunning that it was cruel.

“Why am I here?” Viktor whispered as he ran the back of his finger against Yuuri’s soft cheek.

Yuuri had been so perfect. The smell of oranges and fresh rain in the forest still lingered on Viktor and he found himself quickly becoming addicted to the scent.

He stood and walked to the window, pulling the curtain to look down onto the street below. This island seemed like it never slept. There were dogs running around, looking through bins and there were still beggars on the street grabbing at the hands of drunken soldiers who were stumbling home from brothels. Helicopters flew overhead every so often too. Somehow Viktor had gotten used to this life.

He looked back at Yuuri. His vision was filled briefly with memories of their love making. It was sickening how he could feel so godamn good in this hell. This hell he would have to leave Yuuri in. The young boy surely didn’t deserve his fate but… it was almost like Yuuri was a rush of fresh water. Viktor felt like he could spend an eternity in Yuuri’s embrace and need nothing else. He wasn’t corrupted by this place yet.

God he was so sick of the war. Sick of its corruptions and it’s poorly treated people and all the endless questions that no would could or would ever answer.

Yuuri shifted in his sleep. He looked like a sleeping princess and Viktor felt dread weigh him down like lead with the realisation that he wanted to be his prince. No, no… _No!_

Why now? Why? He was about to leave and never come back. There was nothing he could do. Viktor had been so careful not to get attached to anyone. He didn’t care; he could care. Nothing on this Island was keeping him here. But now… now Viktor wasn’t so sure.

“Fuck.” Viktor swore softly.

He’d never felt this way before when he’d been with people. His one night stands were always short and focussed on getting to the end. He’d never felt this conflicted over a passing lover before. It wasn’t like he could do anything for Yuuri; he doubted anyone could. This was his life and he had no way out, not even through Viktor. He wasn’t rich enough to buy Yuuri and the thought of actually purchasing the boy made Viktor’s stomach churn anyway.

He picked up his shirt from where he’d left it draped across a chair and started to button it.

He could still hear Yuuri’s sweet voice in his ears, echoing hauntingly. He felt dizzy just thinking about the boy and the way he’d moved, his gentle touches, the quiet gasping moans.

This was so stupid. He couldn’t believe he’d let Chris convince him to go through with this. Once again he was in a filthy room with a rusty, dirty bed and another whore-

No. Yuuri was more than that.

Yuuri was so much more than that.

“Fuck!” Viktor hit the door lightly before he reached for the doorknob and left the room before he could think twice about it. He ran down the stairs and walked straight out of the door, ignoring the loud moans coming from a room across the bar.

There were a few soldiers outside smoking but Viktor walked straight past them.

Last time he’d gone back to America, no one had cared. His experience in Okinawa was nothing to do with the explosive ‘excitement’ of Vietnam that everyone back home saw on TV. Okinawa was nothing. So he’d come back; back to this hell because he’d rather do something and make a difference than stay at home being nobody. But he realised now that this war was so pointless and corrupt that he was never going to make more of a difference than a leaf falling during autumn.

He was just another nobody here too.

He kept walking, trying not the think about the boy he’d left cold in their bed.

As long as he never trusted anyone out here, he would be alright.

…

And then he was running back to bar. He couldn’t think straight; all he knew is that he couldn’t leave without seeing Yuuri just once more. Beggars grabbed at his ankles as he ran, soldiers at the doors to the club tried to stop him going back in.

The more he was stopped the more determined he became, pushing through them with a shout. He ran up the stairs two steps at a time until he was staring down at Yuuri, still fast asleep.

Why now? _Why him?_ Why did it have to be him of all people? Why such pure innocence and beauty in such a vile filthy place? Viktor wanted to go back to last afternoon. He wanted to go home without the memories of tonight, because now, he knew he would never be able to forget Yuuri. He would never forget their night together and it would tear him apart. It already felt like agony and it was inevitable that it would get worse.

Viktor sat himself down on the edge of the bed with is head in his hands.

It was too late; the damage was done. Viktor had fallen for Yuuri.

**Author's Note:**

> Yuuri's Kimono:  
> https://i.pinimg.com/originals/07/21/89/072189d872db612a44e32659fd1eb0c3.jpg
> 
> Please leaves comments and kudos they really encourage me to write :)


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